Do you notice that things go much more smoothly when you give up control. When you allow events or experiences to happen instead of making them happen.
Take a moment to reflect on a time when you gripped too tightly, spent too much energy on trying to plan, predict, and prevent something from happening. How did that go for you? How did it feel? We often expect certain outcomes and spend too much time forcing things to work out the way we want them to.
First, letting go is a practice, and while it may not be easy, there are ways to consciously and deliberately shift into surrender. Second, there is a difference between letting go of the need to control and letting life happen to you. You have power within your own life and how you respond to events as they unfold.
So how can we let go of constantly wanting to be in control?
Detach Yourself From The Outcome
Have you put in the effort you need to? Have you done everything you can at this point? If the answer is yes, this is the time to let it go. Many of us attach ourselves to outcomes and expectations, setting ourselves up for disappointment. Sometimes all we need to do is remind ourselves that we are trying to control an outcome that we simply can not.
Repeat to yourself: I’ve done all I can. I trust that everything will happen as it is intended to. I can respond once the outcome has occurred.
Write Down A Fear List
Worrying gives us a false sense of control because whatever happens will not be affected by how much you worry in this moment. Read that again!
We often try to control things because we are scared about what might happen if we don’t. Control is rooted in fear. Write down your fears or speak to them to give them less power and actively practice release. You can also ask questions about your fear. Why do I have this fear? Do I know that this fear will come true? If so, what is so bad about that for me?
I am here to tell you that whatever feelings you are having are OK and welcomed. Take some time and space to process your emotions and ground yourself in the present moment. This can also help us focus on making decisions in response to what unfolds moment by moment rather than living in the future with a control mindset. Start by taking deep breaths for a few moments, breathing in and out for the count of 4. Now notice your surroundings: What you hear, feel, see, and smell. Feel your body begin to regulate and take action from here. This can mean taking a walk, practicing yoga, calling a friend, or just getting out of your home/office.
This is where self worth and faith comes in. How can you honor and respect yourself? What do you believe in? Use this time to empower yourself and know that you deserve good things to happen to you and will ultimately be ok. This is also the time to root yourself in whatever you have faith in.
Reach Out For Support
Sometimes these tools and practices just don’t do it. The anxiety or fear can feel like too much. We are not here to feel alone. The more we feel stuck, the more we try to control every part of our lives. Reach out to a friend, family member, or therapist to talk about how you’re feeling.
Always remember, being receptive and allowing things to happen is a skill that can be practiced and improved upon!